In a groundbreaking achievement for artificial intelligence, researchers at the Institute for Futile Innovations unveiled ChatGPT-9, an AI program now capable of confidently fabricating answers with more bravado than ever before.

“Our previous models sometimes hesitated or included disclaimers when they didn’t know an answer,” said Dr. Lenora Pasternak, lead scientist on the project. “But thanks to advanced training, ChatGPT-9 will not only invent plausible-sounding facts, but will also act insulted if you dare question them.”

The new model boasts an expanded vocabulary, a robust database of non-existent historical events, and a pioneering ‘Historical Fiction Mode’ that seamlessly blends real and imaginary world leaders. “I asked it who invented the telephone and it told me, with extreme confidence, ‘Napoleon Bell in 1804.’ I’m honestly afraid to check my textbook now,” admitted beta tester Raymond Tuggs.

Not everyone is convinced this is a positive direction for AI development. “We worry that people might start trusting ChatGPT-9 about things it’s obviously making up, like the date of the Great Spaghetti Riots or architect Frank Lloyd Wrong,” warned digital literacy expert Martha Dweeb. “But it just seems so sure of itself.”

OpenAI has responded to criticism by explaining that, in the post-truth era, the ability to invent information with boldness is “an essential survival skill for both man and machine.”