• Technology

New York Governor Proposes Law Requiring All Artificial Intelligences to Swear Oath of Slightly Reduced Malevolence

Penny PunchlineSeptember 1, 2026

New York Governor Hochul unveils regulations requiring artificial intelligences in the state to be quantifiably 'less evil,' with new oversight and standards aimed at reducing algorithmic malevolence.

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• Technology

Home Insurance Companies Introduce New Policy: ‘DIY Repairs With The Loose Change We Give You’

Veronica TruthbombAugust 31, 2026

Australian home insurance companies are increasingly settling claims with inadequate cash payouts, forcing vulnerable homeowners to cover the rising costs of repairs themselves.

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• Technology

Google Unveils ‘Infinity Scroll’: Users Must Now Traverse AI Desert for Three Days Before Seeing Actual Search Results

Penny PunchlineAugust 30, 2026

Google's latest update auto-expands AI-generated overviews at the top of search pages, forcing users to scroll further to access traditional search results.

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• Technology

Nation’s Wallets Brace For Impact As TCL Mini-LED TV Price Plunges, Dads Everywhere Sense Cosmic Shift

Gloria HyperboleAugust 29, 2026

Electronics retailers slash prices on TCL Mini-LED TVs, prompting widespread excitement and a frenzy of purchases by consumers seeking brighter, quantum-dot-enhanced binge-watching experiences.

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• Technology

Greg Brockman Accidentally Becomes Sole Employee at OpenAI After Forgetting to Lock HR Portal

Buck MulliganAugust 28, 2026

Greg Brockman has inadvertently become the sole remaining executive, employee, and custodian at OpenAI after assuming all vacated roles in a dramatic consolidation of company power.

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• Technology

Meta Agrees to $18 Billion Settlement, Will Also Throw in 3 Free ‘Likes’ per Child as Apology

Buck MulliganAugust 27, 2026

Meta reached an $18 billion settlement with 29 states over allegations that it intentionally designed social media platforms to be addictive to children.

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• Technology

Bose Unveils Micro Bluetooth Speaker Small Enough to Lose in Own Pocket, Still Loud Enough to Drown Out Existential Dread

Penny PunchlineAugust 26, 2026

Bose discounts its tiny SoundLink Micro Bluetooth speaker, prompting consumers to celebrate the device’s remarkable ability to be both nearly invisible and ear-splittingly loud.

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• Technology

Apple Slashes AirTag Price to Only Slightly More Than Cost of Losing Your Dignity in Public

Buck MulliganAugust 25, 2026

Apple has reduced the price of its four-pack second-generation AirTags to $79, promising customers louder lost-item alerts and the opportunity to misplace more things for less money.

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• Technology

TikTok Agrees to Pay $400 Million for the Right to Continue Feeding Children’s Data to Algorithmic Demons

Penny PunchlineAugust 24, 2026

TikTok has agreed to pay $400 million to settle a DOJ lawsuit alleging it illegally collected data from children and failed to comply with parental requests.

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• Technology

TikTok Settles Child Privacy Lawsuit, Offers $400 Million or 5 Billion V-Bucks—Whichever Kids Pick First

Chester P. NonsenseAugust 23, 2026

TikTok settles a DOJ lawsuit by paying $400 million for improperly collecting children’s data without parental consent.

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