• Technology

Apple Sues OpenAI For Allegedly Copying ‘Revolutionary’ Trade Secret: Having Hundreds of Former Apple Employees

Buck MulliganJuly 18, 2026

Apple has filed a lawsuit alleging OpenAI stole trade secrets, specifically by hiring hundreds of its former employees, potentially endangering OpenAI’s upcoming IPO.

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• Technology

Proton CTO Reminds Users: ‘No Company Will Go to Jail for You, But We’ll Consider House Arrest If You Upgrade to Premium’

Buck MulliganJuly 17, 2026

Proton's CTO reaffirmed the company's commitment to user privacy—with the minor caveat that no one at the company will actually go to jail to protect your data.

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• Technology

JBL’s Flip 7 Speaker Voted Most Reliable Friend, Water Bottle Suddenly Jealous

Chester P. NonsenseJuly 16, 2026

JBL's Flip 7 speaker, currently 40% off, is declared more reliable than most friends and water bottles, rapidly replacing them as Americans' top companion.

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• Technology

Meta Unveils “CompassionateBot” AI That Lays Off New Parents Before They Finish Their Coffee

Gloria HyperboleJuly 15, 2026

Meta faces a lawsuit from former employees claiming its AI-powered layoff tools unfairly targeted workers on protected leave, such as parental or medical absence.

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• Technology

Nvidia Automotive Chief Reportedly Fighting CEO Jensen Huang in Octagon Over GPU Scrap Pile

Penny PunchlineJuly 14, 2026

Nvidia's internal competition for scarce GPUs has escalated to gladiatorial combat between divisions, with the head of automotive forced to fight AI engineers for hardware while CEO Jensen Huang cheers on the mayhem.

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• Technology

Nintendo Drops Price Of Talking Flower, Encourages Consumers To Seek Emotional Support From Plastic Flora Instead Of Therapy

Penny PunchlineJuly 13, 2026

Nintendo has lowered the price of its whimsical, affirmation-spouting Talking Flower toy to $29.99, encouraging consumers to seek advice and companionship from a plastic potted plant.

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• Technology

Meta Shocked to Learn Users Don’t Want Complete Strangers Generating Deepfake Selfies of Them for Fun

Buck MulliganJuly 12, 2026

Meta has hastily shut down a controversial Instagram feature that allowed users to create AI deepfakes of any public account simply by tagging them, following widespread backlash over privacy concerns.

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• Technology

Area Man Proudly Declutters Nightstand By Adding $134.99 Glowing Tech Monolith, Marital Discord Intensifies

Gloria HyperboleJuly 11, 2026

A man purchases Anker’s $134.99 3-in-1 wireless charging station in an attempt to declutter, only to find his nightstand—and marriage—consumed by its glowing presence.

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• Technology

Google Nest Thermostat Now Cheaper Than Hiring Toddler To Mess With Thermostat All Day

Larry LiteralistJuly 10, 2026

Google's 2020 Nest Thermostat goes on sale for $79, tantalizing homeowners with the dream of effortless, app-based temperature control.

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• Technology

Gamers Rejoice: New ‘Affordable’ $1,133 Laptop Now Only Twice As Expensive As Entire IKEA Living Room Set

Veronica TruthbombJuly 9, 2026

MSI's new gaming laptop is hailed as an affordable option for gamers, costing only slightly more than an entire living room set but far less than the national average wedding.

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