• Sport

Ambulance Cart Injures Second Player, Immediately Nominated For Next Season’s Starting Forward

Penny PunchlineJune 2, 2026

A medical cart rushing to assist an injured soccer player in Ecuador ran over a teammate on the field before nonchalantly driving away, prompting concerns about on-field safety procedures.

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• Sport

AEW Announces Survival of the Fittest Match to Determine Which Wrestler Can Actually Survive AEW Storylines

Veronica TruthbombJune 1, 2026

AEW announces a Survival of the Fittest match for the TBS Championship, promising that the last wrestler to survive outlandish storylines and booking chaos will be crowned the new champion.

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• Sport

NBA Game 7 Viewing Guide: How to Stream Spurs–Thunder for Free Without Destroying Your Marriage, Angering Your HOA or Breaking Several Federal Laws

Larry LiteralistMay 31, 2026

Desperate NBA fans scramble to stream Game 7 of Spurs-Thunder for free, risking marital strife, legal trouble, and community outrage in an escalating nationwide viewing crisis.

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• Sport

SEC Commissioner Declares ‘Moral Victories’ Now Count Twice as Much as Actual Championships

Chester P. NonsenseMay 30, 2026

SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey insists the SEC remains college football's strongest league by introducing a new 'moral victories' scoring system, despite the Big Ten winning three straight national championships.

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• Sport

FIFA Unveils New ‘Personal Organ Auction’ System for 2026 World Cup Tickets

Larry LiteralistMay 29, 2026

FIFA faces backlash and an official investigation after introducing an auction system for 2026 World Cup tickets that reportedly accepts bids in both cash and human organs.

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• Sport

Mexico Heroically Volunteers Spare Couch for Iran Soccer Team After U.S. Says ‘House Full’

Penny PunchlineMay 28, 2026

After the US refused to host the Iranian soccer team during the World Cup, Mexico agreed to let the squad stay in Tijuana while they play matches in the US.

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• Sport

Mexico Agrees to Host Iran World Cup Team, Promises ‘Only Mild Amount’ of CIA Surveillance

Larry LiteralistMay 27, 2026

Mexico agrees to host Iran's national football team during the World Cup after the US declines, with the team based in Tijuana while playing matches in the US.

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• Sport

Mexico Opens ‘World Cup Airbnb’ for Iran Team After U.S. Forgets to Hit ‘Accept’ Button on Booking Request

Chester P. NonsenseMay 26, 2026

Mexico agreed to host the Iranian football team during the World Cup after the U.S. declined, citing logistical difficulties.

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• Sport

New FIFA World Cup Monopoly Game Allows Fans to Mortgage Their Childhood Dreams for Messi Trading Card

Veronica TruthbombMay 25, 2026

Hasbro and Panini have launched a Monopoly board game that merges soccer trading cards and property trading for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, allowing fans to both collect rare player cards and go bankrupt in new, innovative ways.

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• Sport

Hull City Clinches $500 Million Payout, Immediately Becomes GDP Rival to Luxembourg After Promotion Win

Gloria HyperboleMay 24, 2026

Hull City defeated Middlesbrough in the Championship playoff final, earning a promotion to the Premier League and a massive financial windfall.

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