• Politics

Trump Clarifies Attacks on Judge’s Family: ‘I Thought It Was Bring Your Nepotism to Court Day’

Larry LiteralistJune 2, 2026

After his arraignment, Donald Trump cited a misunderstanding of court etiquette to explain why he publicly attacked the judge and his family during his Mar-a-Lago speech.

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• Politics

Jill Biden Praises Joe’s Debate Performance: ‘Most People Can’t Even Stand Upright After A Minor Stroke’

Chester P. NonsenseJune 2, 2026

Jill Biden defended her praise of President Biden's debate performance by highlighting his ability to function impressively even if he may have had a minor stroke onstage.

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• Politics

Colombian Voters Flock To Far-Right Candidate Promising ‘More Walls, Fewer Arepas’

Penny PunchlineJune 2, 2026

Far-right candidate Abelardo de la Espriella finishes ahead in Colombia's first presidential voting round, promising bold policies and facing left-wing senator Iván Cepeda in a forthcoming runoff.

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• Politics

Trump Asserts National Security Hinges On White House Ballroom’s Ability To Deploy Drones During Weddings

Gloria HyperboleJune 1, 2026

Donald Trump criticizes a judge's decision blocking the construction of a White House ballroom and rooftop drone base, claiming the move gravely endangers both national security and high-society celebrations.

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• Politics

Secretary Burgum Insists 250th ‘Nonpartisan’ Independence Concert Will Be Fair and Balanced, Just Like Trump’s Playlist

Penny PunchlineJune 1, 2026

Interior Secretary Doug Burgum insists the 250th anniversary concert series is nonpartisan and refuses to name donors, despite the event's overtly pro-Trump themes and mass artist withdrawals.

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• Politics

Colombians Face Impossible Choice Between Candidate Who Promises Change and Candidate Who Also Promises Change, But Louder

Larry LiteralistJune 1, 2026

Colombians vote in a presidential election that pits the outgoing leader's ally against a pro-Trump candidate, both running on nearly identical promises of change.

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• Politics

Trump Claims Historic Iran Peace Deal Signed During Lunch Break; Iran Confused, Asks ‘Signed With What?’

Chester P. NonsenseMay 31, 2026

President Trump announces a historic Iran peace deal that Iran denies exists, leading to widespread confusion and international jet ski speculation.

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• Politics

Historic Israel-Lebanon Summit Threatens Global Peace By Nearly Resolving Something

Gloria HyperboleMay 31, 2026

Israel and Lebanon officials meet for rare diplomatic talks while a federal judge allows Trump's mail-in voting restrictions to proceed.

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• Politics

White House Doctor Assures Nation Trump’s Leg Swelling Merely Sign Of ‘Unstoppable Vitality’

Chester P. NonsenseMay 31, 2026

White House physician says Trump's leg swelling and hand bruising are evidence of excellent, possibly unprecedented health after his fourth hospital visit.

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• Politics

Utah Election Integrity Shattered After Discovery That 0.013% of Voters Might Be Canadians

Gloria HyperboleMay 30, 2026

Utah releases an audit finding only 27 non-citizens on its voter rolls out of over 2 million, sparking theatrical hand-wringing over the state's electoral integrity.

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