• Economy

Israel Announces Plans for ‘Surprise Pop-Up Settlements’ in Gaza, Citing Need for More Vibrant Real Estate Market

Penny PunchlineJuly 19, 2026

Israeli ministers announced plans to build new settlements in Gaza and expand in the occupied West Bank, defying international agreements and criticisms.

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• Economy

Sitges Film Festival Vows to Ignore All Filmmakers Named ‘Issa Lopez’ Until Another One Appears

Gloria HyperboleJuly 18, 2026

Sitges Film Festival announces it will suspend attention to current genre filmmakers until a new Issa Lopez emerges to lead Latin American horror cinema.

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• Economy

China’s Economic Growth Slips to Devastating 4.3%, Millions Consider Eating Only Two Designer Coffees Per Day

Chester P. NonsenseJuly 17, 2026

China's quarterly economic growth fell to 4.3%, sparking mild panic among officials, investors, and consumers fearing temporary reductions in luxury spending.

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• Economy

SpaceX Shares Fall As Investors Realize Rockets Can’t Run On Vague Tweets Alone

Larry LiteralistJuly 16, 2026

SpaceX stock fell below its IPO price as investors questioned whether hype and tweets alone can sustain the company's ambitious space ventures.

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• Economy

Congressman Who Rose From Fry Cook to Franchise Magnate Sells McDonald’s Empire, Admits It Was All for Free Szechuan Sauce Packets

Chester P. NonsenseJuly 15, 2026

Congressman Chuck Edwards, who built a McDonald's franchise empire after starting as a teenage employee, has sold his restaurants and revealed his true motivation was unlimited access to promotional sauces.

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• Economy

Volkswagen Unveils 150-Page Manual On Laying Off 50,000 Workers, Promises It Will Be ‘Very Efficient, Like Our Cars’

Penny PunchlineJuly 14, 2026

Volkswagen announced plans to cut 50,000 jobs through a sprawling 150-page restructuring effort, while the board rejected plant closures but approved cost-saving measures.

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• Economy

Confused Israeli Settlers Mistake US Congressman for Progressively Dressed Camel, Detain Him for Further Questioning

Penny PunchlineJuly 13, 2026

U.S. Congressman Ro Khanna was briefly detained by armed Israeli settlers during his visit to the West Bank after they suspected his presence might endanger local falafel stands and livestock.

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• Economy

Elon Musk’s Family Foundation Expands ‘Bring Your Favorite Extremist to Russia’ Exchange Program

Buck MulliganJuly 12, 2026

Elon Musk’s family foundation reportedly brought far-right activist Tommy Robinson to Russia for a series of meetings with business figures, according to statements from Elon’s father, Errol Musk.

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• Economy

Delta Airlines Announces Ticket Prices Will Remain High ‘Just For The Vibes’ Even if Oil Becomes Free

Penny PunchlineJuly 11, 2026

Delta Airlines announced airfares will remain high despite falling oil prices, citing robust demand and strong quarterly profits.

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• Economy

Comcast and NBCUniversal Announce Conscious Uncoupling, Vow to Remain ‘Media Friends’ for Sake of Shareholders

Veronica TruthbombJuly 10, 2026

Comcast and NBCUniversal announced they are splitting into separate companies, citing the total lack of synergy and a mutual desire to pursue other corporate structures.

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