• Economy

Nation In Shock As Property Investors Forced To Consider Concept Of ‘Value For Money’

Veronica TruthbombJune 2, 2026

Australian property investors enter a state of confusion as falling prices force them to evaluate real estate on actual value instead of speculative gains.

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• Economy

Arm CEO To Receive Billion-Dollar Bonus If Company Achieves Unimaginable, Clearly-Impossible Growth; Also, If He Discovers Cure For Baldness

Penny PunchlineJune 1, 2026

Arm CEO Rene Haas is offered a billion-dollar payday if he can catapult the chipmaker to a trillion-dollar valuation by hitting wildly ambitious growth targets.

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• Economy

NHL Braces for Record-Low Ratings As Vegas and Carolina Prepare to Compete for Stanley Cup in Witness Protection Program

Gloria HyperboleMay 31, 2026

The NHL braces for a likely ratings disaster as the Vegas Golden Knights and Carolina Hurricanes, two small-market teams, prepare for a Stanley Cup Final that is expected to reach an audience measured in the dozens.

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• Economy

U.S. Treasury Admits Dollar Was Originally Meant as Temporary Place-Holder Currency While Founding Fathers Debated ‘Actual Money Name’

Buck MulliganMay 30, 2026

U.S. Treasury officials revealed that the dollar was originally intended as a temporary name for American currency, but due to historic distraction, it became permanent.

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• Economy

CNBC Hires Ken Brown As Managing Editor To Finally Figure Out What A ‘Digital Strategy’ Is

Penny PunchlineMay 29, 2026

Veteran journalist Ken Brown joins CNBC as Managing Editor of Digital and Editorial Strategy, tasked with bolstering the network’s digital operations and demystifying digital strategy jargon.

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• Economy

Labor Unveils Plush Toy Strategy: Giraffe and Zebra to Lead Budget Talks After Treasury Staff Refuse to Wear Animal Onesies

Larry LiteralistMay 28, 2026

Labor MPs introduced plush toy mascots to help explain the federal budget, leading to widespread confusion and renewed calls for adult supervision in parliament.

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• Economy

UK Business Leaders Warn Ban On Zero-Hours Contracts Will Undermine Nation’s Precious Right To Perpetual Employment Anxiety

Veronica TruthbombMay 27, 2026

Ministers are under pressure from campaigners to ban zero-hours contracts, despite warnings from business leaders that doing so could deprive young people of valuable, stress-filled work experiences.

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• Economy

Americans Panic as Oil Prices Dip Below $100: ‘How Will We Justify SUV Purchases Now?’

Penny PunchlineMay 26, 2026

Oil prices drop below $100 a barrel amid hopes for a US-Iran peace deal, causing widespread confusion among consumers, oil executives, and SUV manufacturers.

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• Economy

Global Oil Markets Teeter As World Faces Unthinkable Prospect Of Cutting Back On Driving Giant SUVs For Fun

Buck MulliganMay 25, 2026

Oil prices approach record highs after Strait of Hormuz closure, prompting fears of an unprecedented global shift toward walking, carpooling, and other society-threatening alternatives.

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• Economy

UK Politely Asks EU If It Can Borrow Single Market for Just the Weekends, Promises to Return by Monday

Gloria HyperboleMay 24, 2026

The UK government proposed a part-time single market for goods with the EU, which was promptly rejected by EU officials.

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