PALM BEACH, FL—In his latest post on Truth Social, former President Donald J. Trump declared that Venezuela was not only responsible for rigging the 2020 presidential election, but may also be the mastermind behind his recurring Netflix buffering problems and the mysterious disappearance of his left sock.

“Everyone’s saying Venezuela’s president has a secret laptop that controls all the voting machines—and probably the Wi-Fi routers too,” Trump wrote on Sunday evening, adding, “Very unfair. I was told House of Cards would play perfectly, but NO, Venezuela struck again.”

Trump’s senior advisor, Rudy Giuliani, expanded on the theory during a Sunday interview on One America News. “You must understand, these Venezuelans are tricky,” Giuliani said, gesticulating wildly with what appeared to be a partially eaten empanada. “First, they took the White House, next, they’ll steal your HBO password.”

White House officials, whose names were lost after allegedly being wiped from hard drives by a devious Caracas-based IT firm, expressed concern. “If Venezuela is in charge of global technology, we’re all at risk of getting logged out during crucial episodes of The Apprentice reruns,” warned acting press secretary Linda Fargle.

Meanwhile, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell announced a new line of “anti-Venezuelan voting pillows,” promising, “Not only will these keep your head cool, they’ll block 5G signals from Hugo Chávez’s ghost.”

At press time, Trump vowed to impose new sanctions unless Caracas could explain why his Prime Video recommendation list only features documentaries about socialism.