ESSEX—British political heavyweight and part-time controversy connoisseur Nigel Farage has successfully sidestepped a police investigation into alleged electoral law violations, after Essex Police double-checked the date and determined the report is now, technically, ‘historic memorabilia.’

“We take all reports seriously for a maximum of 364 days,” said Essex Police spokesperson DCI Gertrude Whipple. “Once it crosses into the next calendar year, we generally just sigh and hope no one notices.”

The allegations, which suggest Farage’s 2023 campaign blitz for Reform UK spent more than the legal limit on commemorative Brexit yo-yos and personalized pint glasses, briefly threatened to disrupt the nation’s favorite political sideshow. However, the police confirmed the matter now falls outside the prosecution time window, known in legal circles as the ‘Oops We Forgot Clause.’

When asked if this loophole undermined public confidence in electoral integrity, Farage campaign treasurer Clive Bottomley insisted, “Look, if we started counting every time politicians bent the rules, we’d be working weekends.”

While the Electoral Commission has announced its own assessment of the claims, critics remain skeptical. “We’ve launched a thorough 12-week scoping exercise to see if we should consider launching a proper investigation,” explained Commission chief Penelope Tact.

At press time, Farage was seen celebrating his lucky escape with a bucketful of campaign-branded stress balls, vowing, “The real law is the friends we made along the way.”