LOS GATOS, CA—In a bold move to redefine both entertainment and the very concept of ‘content,’ Netflix unveiled its 2025 streaming slate this week, featuring a dizzying array of cross-genre spectacles, snack-based acquisitions, and wholly unnecessary spinoffs.

Following the inexplicable global success of ‘KPop Demon Hunters,’ which Netflix reportedly purchased from Sony for $200 and a slightly used bag of Lay’s, the streaming giant is doubling down. “We’ve greenlit seventeen spin-offs, including ‘KPop Demon Chefs,’ ‘KPop Demon Tax Accountants,’ and ‘KPop Demon Hunters: Multiverse Karaoke Showdown,'” announced Alicia Bland, Vice President of Relentless Franchising. “If the algorithm says viewers want demon-fighting idols who file taxes and sing Whitney Houston, we’re there.”

Netflix is also expanding its live event roster. Following the record-breaking ‘Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Grudge Match,’ the company will broadcast ‘WWE Inferno Dogs,’ a wrestling-meets-competitive-eating hybrid. “We wanted something that would make people ask, ‘Is this legal?’ ‘Is this food?’ and ‘Can I bet on this?’ Yes, yes, and soon,” explained event creator Todd Takedown, while dunking a bratwurst.

Meanwhile, the controversial ‘Potato Chip Bag Cam’—a 24/7 livestream of the snack bag that sealed the Sony deal—continues its 11-week reign at the top of Netflix’s trending list. “Watching that bag just sit there… it’s oddly calming,” confessed subscriber Jeanine Chomp, 32. “It speaks to me in ways ‘The Crown’ never could.”

Executives remain optimistic. “With this year’s content, Netflix is committed to pushing the boundaries of taste, sense, and, frankly, decency,” said CEO Ted Sarandipity. “Let’s see Hulu do that.”