CUPERTINO, CA—In a triumph for both audiophiles and people who lose small objects in couch cushions, Apple announced a new round of AirPods deals this week, allowing consumers to experience the thrill of saving $30 on a device they already own in three to five slightly different forms.

“I’ve had every generation of AirPods since 2016,” said Chelsea Green, a self-described Bluetooth connoisseur who estimates she has spent $1,100 on wireless earbuds and still can’t locate any of them. “When I saw the AirPods 4 on sale for $99, I knew I needed a backup for my backup’s backup. And the new Active Noise Cancellation model means I can finally drown out the sound of my rapidly accumulating credit card debt.”

The discounts, available at leading retailers including Amazon, Best Buy, and Target, range from the basic AirPods 4 model (now $99, down from $129) to the AirPods Pro 3 ($239.95, down a whopping $9). Advanced features like Voice Isolation, a built-in heart rate monitor, and a Find My-enabled charging case are described by Apple as “strongly recommended for anyone with ears.”

“It’s not just about headphones,” explained Brad Turtleneck, Apple’s Senior Vice President of Repetitive Product Announcements. “It’s about creating the illusion that this year’s AirPods are fundamentally distinct from the previous six variants.”

Analysts predict that sales will spike even higher when the USB-C AirPods Max are discounted by $100 to a still-absurd $449.99. As obsessive AirPods collector Marcus Lee put it: “I can’t wait for AirPods 5, which I assume will include a complimentary Apple-branded storage bucket for all my obsolete earbuds.”