In a shocking move that has left traditional business leaders confused and slightly aroused, prominent YouTubers and TikTokers are now buying up entire companies, launching luxury brands, and forming intercontinental shadow conglomerates—all due to the quaint irrelevance of online ad revenue.

“We realized that relying on ads is like building your mansion out of Monopoly money,” explained LazerBryce, a slime-vlog turned blockchain magnate, while closing his latest acquisition: a mid-size Turkish cement conglomerate. “So now, I just buy any startup with a vaguely edible name and see what happens.”

MrBeast, or Jimmy Donaldson, recently expanded his empire by purchasing fintech startup Step, a move widely described as ‘completely normal’ by financial analysts, who reportedly now pray to the YouTube algorithm for job security. His chocolate bar business, Feastables, allegedly generates enough revenue to purchase small European nations on a quarterly basis.

“This is the new creator playbook: Build an audience, then acquire a dental supply company for fun,” said Karen McVloggen, host of the podcast ‘Influencer Takeover.’ “We’re expecting Emma Chamberlain to announce a hostile takeover of General Electric by August.”

Meanwhile, India’s government has announced its intention to power the nation’s AI ambitions entirely with recycled influencer apology videos, a move experts predict will “fuel the next tech revolution, or possibly a new form of spam.”

“The real future of content,” intoned Mukesh Bright, AI Thought Leader, “is when every company CEO is a 19-year-old Minecraft streamer with a line of skincare serums.”