ANN ARBOR, MI — Citing a strict policy against ‘double coverage’ in professional relationships, the University of Michigan announced today it will not renew the contract of Lindsay Travers, a female football staffer whose alleged yearslong extra-marital relationship with former head coach Sherrone Moore shocked absolutely no one who’s ever attended a Big Ten tailgate.

University spokesperson Harold Crisp told reporters, “Ms. Travers failed to report extracurricular interactions with Coach Moore in her annual HR disclosure, which clearly asks if you’ve participated in any trick plays with management.”

Sources say Travers, best known for her tenacity during halftime adjustments, was let go after it came to light she provided Moore with what insiders call ‘illegal formations.’ When asked if the school had a problem with women working in football, Athletics Director Barry Grisham clarified, “We categorically support women in all football operations, as long as those operations don’t involve backfield motion with the head coach.”

Some around campus fear the news may hurt recruiting. “Most of our players are here for football, but a significant number were also attracted by the school’s highly ranked Interpersonal Relations program,” said junior tight end Mike Reynolds.

For her part, Travers released a brief statement: “I regret any distraction my professional conduct may have caused. At Michigan, we always strive for on-field excellence. Off-field, less so.”

The university has announced a new mandatory training for all staff, entitled “Keeping It Between the Goalposts: Appropriate Professional Boundaries in College Athletics.”