ROME — After the Azzurri’s earth-shattering failure to qualify for a third straight World Cup, the Italian Football Federation announced Monday that they would be embracing a bold new philosophy: simply not participating in major tournaments ever again.

Former head coach Gennaro Gattuso, whose innovative approach of fielding eleven vaguely confused defenders failed to secure qualification, was released hours after the latest defeat. “We gave it our best, but unfortunately the referees, the grass, gravity, and the concept of ‘shooting on target’ all conspired against us,” Gattuso said as he packed up his extensive collection of motivational tapes and neckties.

At a packed press conference, Federation president Ludovico Frattini declared, “Italy has always been a pioneer in world football. So why not innovate once more by focusing exclusively on friendlies, pasta commercials, and reliving past glories?” Frattini then unveiled a new Azzurri crest featuring an empty trophy cabinet and two hands thrown skyward in existential despair.

Some fans applauded the move. “Honestly, watching Italy get eliminated every four years has aged me ten years each time,” said diehard supporter Marco Belli, now 34 but looking 67. “This will save on therapy bills.”

Meanwhile, rumors swirl that Italian football is in talks to partner with FIFA to create the first ever “World Cup for Teams Who Just Missed Out,” a proposed 48-nation festival of penalty shootouts, pizza-making contests, and dramatic expressions of disappointment.