DELHI—In what experts are calling “the most awkward family reunion ever conceived for profit,” Silicon Valley’s top billionaires, including Google CEO Sundar Pichai, OpenAI’s Sam Altman, and Anthropic’s Dario Amodei, descended upon Delhi this week for Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s much-touted AI Impact Summit. The event promises a rare chance for leaders of the Global South to beg for the privilege of solving their infrastructure crises with last year’s beta versions of ChatGPT.

During the seven-day summit, Prime Minister Modi welcomed attendees with a stirring keynote: “India stands ready to lead the AI revolution, provided Elon Musk stops asking if the food is gluten-free and someone explains what ‘ratioed on Twitter’ means.” He later unveiled the summit’s main attraction: a ceremonial ‘Algorithm Toss,’ in which the leaders of Kenya and Indonesia sprinted across the stage in pursuit of a USB stick labeled ‘Ethical AI Guidelines, v0.3 (Bugs Unfixed).’

“We are thrilled to empower developing nations with technology that has already been replaced twice in California,” said OpenAI’s Sam Altman, presenting a PowerPoint featuring low-res stock images of smiling farmers and generic graphics. “We believe innovation should benefit everyone, especially those who can’t afford the enterprise upgrade.”

Meanwhile, Kenyan Minister of Technology, Grace Mboya, expressed gratitude: “We look forward to deploying this AI to solve local issues, once we figure out how to run it on a $60 smartphone with a cracked screen.”

Observers report that following the summit, Google representatives issued a press release congratulating themselves on furthering global equity and offering a three-day free trial of Google Bard to all countries with a GDP under $50 billion.