Big Daddy's Truth Factory

Bet365 Boss Awarded £280m for Heroic Perseverance in Face of Only £349m Profit Year

STOKE-ON-TRENT—Financial experts are hailing Bet365 CEO Denise Coates as a model of resilience and grit after she bravely accepted at least £280 million in pay and dividends, despite the company’s pre-tax profits falling to a scarcely survivable £349 million.

With turnover rising to a meager £4 billion, Coates has been lauded for her ability to soldier on and endure almost a 50% drop in profit—unthinkable conditions that might cause lesser billionaires to drop to a mere nine figures of annual income. “It’s humbling to see someone get by on so little,” said Bet365 spokesman Trevor Moneypenny. “Denise even had to scale back her private jet fleet from five to four this year. She’s truly making sacrifices.”

Financial analyst Jamie Greed observed, “Most people would crumble if their annual payday dropped below £300 million. Denise shows us it’s possible to survive such hardship with only two superyachts and limited access to truffle-based face scrubs.”

In an internal memo, Coates reassured employees, “Despite the adversity of earning only 800 times your average salary, I remain committed to championing the values of hope, chance, and 24/7 access to mobile blackjack.”

Meanwhile, Bet365 is providing emotional support seminars for staff worried the boss might one day have to pay taxes. “We’re all praying for her,” said longtime employee Sharon Flutter. “If Denise is suffering, we all are.”

Share

Veronica Truthbomb

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *