The COP30 climate conference, intended as a sober forum to discuss global warming mitigation, ironically turned into a blazing symbol of everything it sought to prevent when a rogue fire broke out in one wing of the conference center. As smoke alarm sirens harmonized with keynote speeches, delegates scrambled to relocate presentations, some lamenting that the planet’s heat wasn’t just metaphorical anymore.

“The irony is absolutely roasting,” said Dr. Ignatius Ember, Chief Firewatcher at the Institute for Event-Driven Climate Drama. “When the building’s HVAC mysteriously melted mid-speech, even the fire marshal had to admit, You can’t argue with symbolism, this literal.”

Delegates like Greta Fernleaf, an activist known for her “cool down the planet” campaign, reportedly quipped, “If this fire doesn’t convince the world to act, nothing will. Except maybe sprinklers.” Meanwhile, the event’s catering stand continued to offer “extinguished” cocktails, now renamed “Flaming Hot Carbon Credits.”

The fire, caused by an overzealous experimental solar panel display ironically dubbed “SunPower 3000”, burned for a brief hour before being contained. The conference resumed with a surprise agenda item titled “How to Stop Actual Fires While Debating Hypothetical Ones”. By day’s end, rumor had it that some delegates were lobbying for a new ice cream social themed “Cool Down COP Fire”.

The event concluded with a proposed resolution: installing fire-proof thought bubbles over all future climate discussions. Organizers announced that next year’s COP31 would include a fire safety seminar, featuring a live demonstration of “What Not to Do When Your Climate Plan Literally Goes Up in Smoke”.