In a sweeping revolution that will surely spell doom for traditional brands, the creator economy has officially enabled anyone with a functioning smartphone to instantly launch a sustainable, gluten-free, shade-grown deodorant company, marketing insiders confirmed Monday.

“The beauty of the creator economy is that you no longer need market research or product expertise—just a ring light, 17 TikTok hacks, and a willingness to say ‘Hey guys’ at the start of every video,” said Jaxson Fromage, Head of Brand Disruption at GenZfluence Group. “There’s a new probiotic toothpaste hitting Instagram every 14 seconds. We’re all entrepreneurs now.”

Bill O’Dowd, CEO of Dolphin Entertainment and recent guest on Variety’s “Strictly Business” podcast, described the new landscape as a “level playing field, except for anyone over 27 or without a blue checkmark.” O’Dowd explained, “If you can self-diagnose ADHD on your Stories, you can democratize anything—be it cowboy hats or emotional support hummus.”

Industry analysts say the trend has not only transformed product launches but also obliterated the need for actual products. “Most launches are now 100% concept, 0% manufacturing, and 60% sponsored by kombucha brands no one can pronounce,” said Madison Sprout, Professor of Influencer Economics at TikTok University.

Still, some visionaries warn of oversaturation. “I worry we’re reaching peak collagen water,” lamented micro-influencer and aspiring entrepreneur Sadie Moon. “But my new adaptogenic lava lamp is about to drop next week, so follow for the link in bio.”