WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold new approach to government oversight, the Department of Homeland Security this week announced the full dismantling of its civil rights watchdog division, replacing it with a cutting-edge “Self-Policing Toolkit” that includes a hand mirror, a shrug emoji poster, and a large sack of literal shrugs.

“We realized that lengthy investigations and layers of transparent accountability were creating a real obstacle to our core mission of doing what we want, when we want, for reasons we deem secret,” said Acting Oversight Reduction Deputy Todd Fendell, unveiling the toolkit during a surprise press conference. “With the new system, if agents feel bad, they can look in the mirror, shrug, and move on—true self-reflection in action.”

Former oversight official Pamela Smidge expressed concern at the shift. “The so-called ‘Bag of Shrugs’ appears to contain nothing but the smell of plausible deniability and a note that says, ‘Oops.’ Frankly, it’s less robust than the check-and-balance system used by my sister’s HOA,” Smidge said.

Border operations spokesperson Rick Malarkey assured reporters that “grave abuses of power are strictly discouraged, unless they make enforcement more efficient, or we’re just in a mood.”

Detention center manager and shruggery enthusiast Ben Roarke praised the new philosophy. “I used to worry someone might read our complaint file,” he said. “But thanks to the mirror and the shrug, I’m at peace with whatever I do now. Also, there is no file.”

DHS officials have stressed that the new system saves time and encourages personal growth, primarily among the private contractors currently running the nation’s detention centers.