GAINESVILLE, FL—The University of Florida athletic department stunned both fans and casino oddsmakers Sunday by hiring Tulane’s Jon Sumrall as head football coach, citing his strong resume, his innovative strategies, and, most of all, his name being recently drawn from a large hat in the break room.

“Honestly, after the way our last few picks turned out, we thought, ‘Why not leave it to chance?'” explained athletic director Scott Stricklin, who described the hiring process as a 45-minute session involving a fishbowl, 42 names on scraps of paper, and a ceremonial blindfold provided by the school’s mascot Albert the Alligator. “Sumrall’s paper just seemed a little luckier. Well, and it was the only one not covered in barbecue sauce from the last staff meeting.”

While Sumrall brings experience from leading the Tulane Green Wave, Florida fans are already preparing for the inevitable. “At this point, I fully expect the Gators to hire my Uber driver next,” said lifelong fan Brenda Mulrooney, adding, “He at least has a perfect five-star rating and once got me across campus in under three minutes, which is better clock management than we’ve seen in years.”

In a statement, Sumrall expressed both excitement and confusion. “I appreciate the opportunity to lead the Gators, and I look forward to discovering which state I’m in when I arrive,” he said. “I was actually on my way to pick up groceries when I got the call.”

University officials assured supporters that a more robust hiring algorithm will be used in the future, possibly involving a spinning wheel and suggestions from a Magic 8 Ball. “We’re confident this is the direction winning programs are heading,” remarked Stricklin. “Next time, it could even be you!”