WASHINGTON—In a dramatic illustration of democracy’s razor edge, the U.S. House of Representatives entered a collective cold sweat Thursday as Christian Menefee, a Democrat fresh off a Texas runoff, was sworn in and instantly reduced congressional margins to the thickness of a Triscuit.

Speaker Mike Johnson, clutching a procedural manual and visibly eyeing every cough in the chamber, acknowledged the new reality. “We now have a majority so slim, we’re concerned a strong breeze could tip the balance and accidentally fund the USDA,” Johnson remarked. “I’ve instructed Republican members to refrain from sneezing until DHS appropriations are sorted.”

Sources report that Democrats are celebrating Menefee’s victory while quietly bracing for the next district map, which, thanks to creative lines drawn by the Texas legislature, will reportedly include “at least three oil rigs and a Dairy Queen parking lot.” Menefee, who will have to begin campaigning for a district shaped like “an existential question mark,” remained upbeat. “I look forward to representing my new constituents, whether they are cows, tumbleweeds, or the spirit of manifest destiny,” he said at his induction ceremony.

Meanwhile, House Republicans huddle in cloakrooms, some resorting to longstanding traditions such as taping thumbtacks to Democratic seats before votes. House Parliamentarian Linda Goodwin offered, “We now have to double-check the chamber’s seating chart after every bathroom break. It’s democracy’s most inspiring form: the legislative knife fight.”

As the House careens toward its next funding deadline, insiders predict the margin will soon reach quantum levels wherein Schrödinger’s cat both passes and blocks the budget.