MENLO PARK, CA—In a move hailed by absolutely everyone with a tolerance for irony, Meta, the parent company of Facebook and Instagram, has appointed former Trump adviser and investment bank veteran Dina Powell McCormick as its new president and vice chairman, tasking her with guiding the company on its passionate, unwavering quest for an objective reality—or at least a more profitable version of it.

“Dina brings exactly the kind of experience Meta needs,” said board member Guy Factman, who insisted his surname had nothing to do with the topic at hand. “As a former adviser to Donald Trump, she understands how to deftly manage narratives, both real and, well, alternative.”

Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg praised the hire, stating, “With Dina steering company strategy, we can finally achieve our dream of making Facebook the most trusted source for both news and memes about lizard people, all in one place. Her background in global finance and gaslighting is unmatched.”

Supporters of the decision pointed to Powell McCormick’s unique qualifications. “If she survived advising Trump and Goldman Sachs, surely she can handle a few billion angry grandmas sharing minion memes,” said Meta’s algorithm, which is reportedly sentient and deeply anxious about the future.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump himself tweeted on Truth Social: “Congratulations to my friend DINA for running Zuckerbook. Looking forward to fair coverage, more likes on my posts, and possibly the launch of FarmVille: Mar-a-Lago Edition.”

Analysts expect McCormick’s arrival to usher in a bold new era at Meta—one where facts are negotiable, but engagement is not.