WASHINGTON, D.C. — The international community braced for continued developments this week as the Middle East’s latest regional conflict appeared on the verge of qualifying for a ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ war, a threshold rarely seen outside multi-pack soda promotions and US foreign policy.

“We’re entering exciting territory,” said Col. Danny Harbinger, Pentagon spokesperson and self-described ‘conflict couponer.’ “If hostilities continue for just a few more days, we’ll officially get a complimentary second war—possibly with Yemen, or if we’re lucky, a surprise guest nation.”

The conflict’s legality was hotly debated, but most experts agreed it didn’t really matter. “International law is mostly decorative now, like parsley on a plate of war crimes,” explained legal analyst Dr. Trish Banner. “It’s there for color and maybe a sense of freshness, but you’re not supposed to actually apply it.”

President Trump, speaking from a gold-leafed golf cart, dismissed the need for Congressional approval as “a deep state antiquity,” adding, “I get war powers from Article Cheeseburger, Section Diet Coke. I read it somewhere.”

Meanwhile, Spain’s foreign minister, Pablo de la Sangria, confirmed his country’s refusal to assist, stating, “We’d love to help, but we can’t find our keys to the airbase and it’s siesta time. Also, the situation seems a bit messy.”

As oil prices soared and global economies wobbled, officials at the United Nations announced a new emergency hashtag, #WarButMakeItFashion, in hopes of raising awareness and engagement among younger audiences.