LONDON—In a bold move to redefine both fiscal responsibility and the English language, Chancellor Rachel Reeves announced during her Budget 2025 statement that freezing income tax thresholds does not, technically, count as breaking Labour’s manifesto promise to not raise taxes—provided everyone agrees never to mention the word ‘inflation’ again.

Pressed by journalists about whether this maneuver breached their pledge, Reeves assured the nation, “We’re simply slowing the threshold’s movement in accordance with the ancient law of ‘It’s Only a Problem If You Notice.’ I refuse to get into semantics, unless the semantics are also frozen at 2022 levels.”

Shadow Chancellor Jeremy Hunt challenged the move, stating, “This is like telling your partner you’re not eating the last biscuit if you just lick it and put it back.”

Labour strategists hailed the decision as a “victory for creative accounting.” Sir Nigel Bampton, the party’s newly appointed Minister of Manifesto Interpretation, explained, “When we said no rises in income tax, we meant that in a non-linear, interpretive dance kind of way. It’s all about the vibe.”

Meanwhile, Treasury spokesperson Charlotte Fonts reassured the public, “The good news is that millions of Britons won’t pay more tax, unless you count the bit where they do. This is a huge win for clarity and confusion alike.”

According to a snap poll, 79% of voters said they now look forward to future pledges being honored in the ‘frozen, but not broken’ tradition, adding that no promises are technically broken if you simply use more abstract nouns.