PALM BEACH, FL—In an exclusive 11-part interview series with Vanity Fair, Susie Wiles, shadowy mastermind and chief of staff for the Trump 2.0 operation, revealed the campaign’s bold new strategy: “Have we tried unplugging America and plugging it back in?” Wiles, described by insiders as “the only adult in a room full of toddlers with matches,” offered candid insights into the inner workings of the operation, the planned revenge tour, and the part of Venezuela policy that involves naming Trump as its interim beauty pageant queen.

“The secret to managing Trump is simple: always keep a bowl of golden M&Ms within arm’s reach,” Wiles confided, cycling through five different burner phones. “And, obviously, make every cabinet member sign an NDA, a prenup, and a waiver for pie-throwing drills.”

When asked about the former president’s rumored “alcoholic’s personality,” Wiles clarified, “He actually just chugs Diet Cokes and looks for something to blame. It’s not so much alcoholism as caffeine-fueled grudge collecting.”

Other insiders corroborated Wiles’ depiction of campaign life. “We have ‘Revenge Mondays’ where everyone picks three enemies to investigate, and one to add to the Christmas card list,” explained campaign intern Dakota Fillmore. “It’s kind of like fantasy football, but everyone wins indictments instead of trophies.”

As for the Venezuela policy, Wiles stated, “We’re still figuring out if that’s a country or a new type of tanning spray. Either way, we’re ready to take a hard line—literally, with a Sharpie.”

At press time, Wiles was seen drawing flowcharts that connect White House staffers, snack preferences, and potential co-conspirators in the world’s largest game of ‘Clue.’