WASHINGTON—Citing grave concerns that offshore wind turbines could blow the United States directly into the arms of its enemies, the Trump administration announced Thursday an immediate halt to all offshore wind farm projects currently under construction. Officials say the move is necessary to combat what the Department of the Interior called “unacceptable national security risks posed by massive spinning blades off the coast.”

“We simply cannot allow gigantic fan structures to litter our oceans and possibly create super-hurricanes that threaten American shorelines and military radar,” said newly appointed Assistant Secretary of Wind Security, Ron Bluster. “Every time one of these turbines spins, it blows a little freedom out to sea. We’re not standing for it.”

Wind industry spokespeople expressed confusion, noting the projects had survived years of environmental impact reviews. Interior officials clarified that the true threat was “radar clutter,” a phenomenon wherein wind turbines allegedly create confusing blips that distract military personnel. “Do you want a Russian submarine to slip by because a radar tech mistook it for a really energetic seagull?” asked Pentagon wind analyst Major Gusty Gale.

President Trump weighed in on Truth Social, writing, “Wind turbines cause cancer, and now, possibly, communism. Not on my watch!”

When asked for evidence, Department of Defense representative Colonel Breezly stated, “We’ve received credible tips from residents who say they feel less American every time they drive past a windmill. We have to take that seriously.”

Energy experts say the pause will cost billions and derail renewable energy progress. Secretary Bluster countered, “We’re just waiting for proof that wind won’t blow liberty away. Until then, it’s fossil fuels all the way.”