SPRINGFIELD, IL—In a move that stunned friends and physics alike, local man Kevin Barnes, 32, announced Tuesday that his iPhone, currently sitting at a robust 8% battery, could “easily do three more hours, maybe four if I’m careful.”

Witnesses claim Barnes made the audacious proclamation as he held his phone under fluorescent kitchen lighting, squinting at the screen like a shipwreck survivor gazing at a distant lighthouse. “It’s all about battery management,” Barnes explained, swiping away nine open apps. “You gotta close Spotify, dim the brightness, and just believe.”

Barnes has become a local legend for his superhuman optimism, with neighbor Daniella Moore recalling, “Last week he FaceTimed a whole wedding reception on 5%. He celebrated with a power nap beside his charging cable.”

Not everyone is convinced by Barnes’ faith in the remaining charge. Tech expert Riley Chu offered a grim prognosis: “An iPhone on 8% is essentially an expensive paperweight. Barnes is playing Russian Roulette, but with TikTok.”

At press time, Barnes was seen staring at his phone’s spinning loading icon, assuring his group chat, “It’s fine, it always bounces back after 3%. Trust me.”

Experts estimate the battery’s life expectancy at roughly one Instagram reel, two Google searches, or half a Tinder swipe—whichever comes first.