• Sport

Asian Teams Celebrate World Cup Tradition Of Leaving Early To Avoid Jet Lag

Penny PunchlineJuly 17, 2026

For the sixth consecutive World Cup, no Asian team advanced past the first knockout round, continuing a reliable tradition of early exits.

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• Politics

Senate Prepares for ‘Come-to-Jesus’ Moment, Considers ID Requirement to Enter Voting Booth and All Golden Corrals

Penny PunchlineJuly 16, 2026

Republican senators introduce a plan to require extensive voter identification, including photo ID, trivia quizzes, and DNA samples, as part of new election integrity measures paired with grant funding for states.

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• Entertainment

Netflix Unveils ‘Stranger Things: VHS Edition,’ Announces New Plans for ‘LaserDisc Cut,’ ‘Etch-a-Sketch Version’ by 2027

Penny PunchlineJuly 16, 2026

Netflix releases a VHS-filtered version of Stranger Things and announces plans for even more absurd retro re-releases to keep the nostalgia alive.

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• Politics

Trump Ramps Up Legal Defense By Insulting Judge’s Family, Announcing Plan to Roast Courtroom on Next Netflix Special

Penny PunchlineJuly 15, 2026

After his arraignment, Donald Trump unveils a new legal strategy by publicly attacking the presiding judge and his family during a Mar-a-Lago speech.

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• Politics

U.S. Demands International Court Only Prosecute Crimes Happening Somewhere Else

Penny PunchlineJuly 15, 2026

The Trump administration announces plans to 'systematically disable' the International Criminal Court while the EU insists international law should also apply to Americans.

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• Sport

Nintendo Generously Slashes Switch 2 Bundle Price To Mere 12,000% Of Actual Component Cost

Penny PunchlineJuly 15, 2026

Nintendo offers a rare $50 discount on its Switch 2 bundle, letting customers briefly experience the thrill of paying only 12,000% over production cost for a free digital game.

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• Economy

Volkswagen Unveils 150-Page Manual On Laying Off 50,000 Workers, Promises It Will Be ‘Very Efficient, Like Our Cars’

Penny PunchlineJuly 14, 2026

Volkswagen announced plans to cut 50,000 jobs through a sprawling 150-page restructuring effort, while the board rejected plant closures but approved cost-saving measures.

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• Technology

Nvidia Automotive Chief Reportedly Fighting CEO Jensen Huang in Octagon Over GPU Scrap Pile

Penny PunchlineJuly 14, 2026

Nvidia's internal competition for scarce GPUs has escalated to gladiatorial combat between divisions, with the head of automotive forced to fight AI engineers for hardware while CEO Jensen Huang cheers on the mayhem.

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• Economy

Confused Israeli Settlers Mistake US Congressman for Progressively Dressed Camel, Detain Him for Further Questioning

Penny PunchlineJuly 13, 2026

U.S. Congressman Ro Khanna was briefly detained by armed Israeli settlers during his visit to the West Bank after they suspected his presence might endanger local falafel stands and livestock.

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• Sport

England Fans Unsure If They’re At World Cup Viewing Party Or Auditioning For 2005-Style Music Video

Penny PunchlineJuly 13, 2026

Young England football fans in south London prioritized recreating early-2000s fashion over actually watching their team's World Cup quarter-final victory.

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