In a bold move to protect the sanctity of NFL referees’ personal boundaries, Denver Broncos head coach Sean Payton was flagged Sunday for violating the league’s newly instituted ‘No Fly Zone’ policy after colliding with official Barry Garlington during a critical moment against the Kansas City Chiefs.

Eyewitnesses say Payton, whose team trailed by three touchdowns, appeared to wander too close while trying to communicate with players, resulting in a catastrophic hip-check with Garlington near the Broncos’ sideline. The official immediately threw a yellow flag, citing an egregious breach of privacy and ‘overly enthusiastic proximity.’

‘Look, there’s a six-foot invisible buffer we all learned about in 2020. Coach Payton bulldozed right through it,’ Garlington explained, applying a Band-Aid to his sense of personal space. ‘We’re out there risking it all—whistles, hand signals, eye contact. All we ask is for a little respect and at least an arm’s length.’

League spokesman Trent McKagan defended the penalty, clarifying, ‘If we let coaches go around bumping officials, next thing you know, they’re asking for friendship or—God forbid—hugs. This is football, not a middle school dance.’

Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson admitted the penalty was a setback, but also saw a silver lining. ‘If Coach Payton gets ejected for excessive nearness, maybe they’ll let me call some plays,’ he said, staring wistfully into the middle distance.

The NFL has since announced a $10,000 fine for any coach whose aura disrupts an official’s sense of well-being. Next week, referees will reportedly be equipped with personal sirens to warn of incoming coaching figures.