TUCSON, AZ—In a display of raw emotion, UConn coach Dan Hurley ceremonially ripped up his postgame stat sheet following a tightly contested 71-67 loss to Arizona, blaming the team’s defeat on a mysterious curse and an outbreak of, quote, “rebounding cowardice.”

Witnesses reported that Hurley, after the final buzzer, gathered his team and the assorted remnants of his stat printouts at center court, where he proceeded to shred the paper into confetti while chanting, “May the ghosts of rebounds past be appeased.”

“They got punked out at the glass, but honestly, we all felt some dark energy in the arena tonight,” claimed assistant coach Marvin Dooley, who added, “I think the ghost of Wilt Chamberlain was boxing out our guys.”

Hurley, known for his intensity and deep respect for superstitions, warned that unless offerings were made, “no offensive board shall ever return to UConn’s hands.” A UConn trainer later confirmed that the team now plans to burn a box of old sneakers before the next game. “Frankly, we’ll try anything,” said power forward T.J. Laws, who assured reporters he’s open to “dousing himself in holy Gatorade if that’s what it takes.”

Arizona coach Tommy Lloyd declined to comment on Hurley’s ritual, but did note, “I always tell my guys: never underestimate the power of an angry coach with a Staples rewards card.”