WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a tense White House meeting with Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, former president Donald Trump unveiled plans for a ‘Khashoggi Memorial Food Court’ to be featured in the upcoming Trump Tower Jeddah, stating the move would ‘honor history and delicious shawarma in one big, beautiful combo.’

At a press conference where falafel samples were distributed to journalists, Trump dismissed concerns over the 2018 murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi as ‘very unfortunate, but honestly, have you tried the hummus?’ The former president noted that ‘the best way to move on is with real estate and a rotating dessert bar.’

ABC News chief correspondent Linda Strudel reported that Trump threatened to replace critical media outlets with ‘gourmet kebab stands’ if negative coverage continued. ‘I’m not saying you’ll get chopped,’ Trump stated, casually gesturing with a plastic knife, ‘but I’m saying you should maybe enjoy a kebab and chill, okay?’

Eric Trump, who oversees Trump Organization’s Saudi projects, explained, ‘Our partners at Dar Global wanted something tasteful. So we’re doing engraved napkin dispensers and an animatronic “Tell Your Story” booth in the food court. It’s what Jamal would’ve wanted.’

When pressed about Saudi Arabia’s human rights record, White House staffer Rick Parsnip clarified, ‘We don’t comment on foreign politics, but the Red Sea view from the falafel stand is simply to die for.’