As tech giants sprint to develop ever-smarter artificial intelligence, consumer privacy concerns have been gently swept aside like last year’s iPhone. Industry leaders now reassure customers that AI models only access personal data “when there’s literally nothing else to do.”

“We want to be very clear: your texts, emails, and voice memos are only used to train AI after all the publicly available Wikipedia is fully memorized and the AI has run out of sudoku puzzles,” stated Lana Bing, Head of Transparency at Algorithmania Inc. “Sometimes, after a long day of reading Reddit, our AI just wants to relax with some juicy Venmo transactions.”

Users have reported minor unease after discovering that tech companies reserve the right to use anything typed into their apps as training data, including notes to self, therapy appointments, and heated rants about oat milk. But tech representatives say privacy fears are overblown. “Our AI is so busy absorbing Taylor Swift lyrics and knitting patterns that it probably won’t even look at your embarrassing browser history,” said Max Datahoarder, Chief Privacy Officer at FaceSpace. “And if it does, it’s only to better understand your soul.”

When asked for comment, Siri released a statement through a spokesperson: “I only share your data with assistant friends when it’s relevant, like during gossip hour or when improving my sarcasm module.”

Industry experts expect further advancements soon, promising that, by 2026, AI will only require access to your deepest childhood fears in order to autofill your pizza orders.