GAZA CITY—In a bold move to keep spirits up and children active, the Al-Salam Sports Club has debuted its exciting new lineup of activities, now tailored for the post-apocalyptic fitness enthusiast whose gym was recently transformed into a performance art installation entitled “Remains of Hope.”

Club director Mahmoud Dabbas described the innovative programming as a “seamless blend of CrossFit and urban survival.” Activities include ‘Rubble Relay,’ in which children pass imaginary batons while leaping over former treadmill parts, and ‘Hide-and-Seek-From-Debris,’ a twist on the classic game featuring bonus points for spotting anything resembling a dumbbell.

“Our old gym motto was ‘No Pain, No Gain,'” said Dabbas, shouting over the sound of a distant airstrike. “Now it’s ‘If You Can Find It, You Can Use It.’ Honestly, motivation has never been higher. Mostly because the exit is currently blocked by three tons of concrete.”

Enthusiastic parent Samiya Al-Farra expressed her gratitude for the club’s persistence: “My daughter has never been more agile. She can now clear a collapsed wall and two burnt soccer balls in under five seconds. It’s the kind of progress you just can’t get at LA Fitness.”

Nine-year-old Ahmad, beaming in his dust-streaked tracksuit, said the program has taught him “so many new skills, like vaulting over twisted rebar and extreme hopscotch on broken tiles. Next week we’re supposed to play ‘Find the Ball.’ The coach says it builds character.”

The club plans to add rooftop yoga next, pending the identification of a structurally sound rooftop.