LONDON—In a bold move heralded as ‘the next chapter in British culture’s slow decline,’ Sony Pictures Television – Nonfiction has announced its triumphant foray into the UK market by signing an exclusive overall deal with renowned unscripted content maestros, Simon Shalgosky and Daniel Brookes.

The prolific duo, whose credits include vital social experiments such as ‘Love Island’ and ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here,’ have reportedly pledged to invent at least three new formats per week involving hot tubs, minor celebrities, and non-binding romantic pacts.

‘We’re excited to bring our unparalleled expertise in orchestrated chaos and competitive swimsuit drama to every British household,’ said Shalgosky, polishing his BAFTA for ‘Best Use of a Flamingo Pool Float.’

Sony executives were equally enthusiastic. ‘The UK market is ripe for growth, and we believe the appetite for people trapped on islands or subjected to low-stakes humiliation is, frankly, infinite,’ stated Sony VP of Content, Miranda Sleugh. ‘Our goal: 24/7 non-stop reality content. If people start dreaming in confessional interviews, we know we’ve succeeded.’

British psychology professor Dr. Lionel Twickenham expressed cautious optimism. ‘With this new era of wall-to-wall unscripted TV, we may finally reach the fabled event horizon of reality—the point at which all existence is a talent show,’ he noted, adjusting his Love Island-themed necktie.

Details of the first new project, provisionally titled ‘Celebrity Brexit: Who Gets Voted Back In?’ are under wraps, but sources confirm it will feature a rotating cast of B-list parliamentarians, inflatable crocodiles, and at least one inexplicable mystery box.