CHARLESTON, WV—In a move hailed by experts as “innovative at best, perplexing at most,” former U.S. President Donald Trump on Tuesday ordered the release of ex-Honduran president and convicted cocaine trafficker Juan Orlando Hernández, stating that “nobody knows more about elections, or cocaine, frankly, than me.”

Hernández, who once boasted of upgrading Central America’s highways into a ‘premium coke corridor,’ walked free from the West Virginia Correctional Resort & Spa following a pardon Trump described as “the art of the deal—international edition.”

“The American people deserve a fair election result in Honduras, even if it means a little Colombian marching powder here and there,” explained Marla Kerns, Trump’s new Deputy Undersecretary for Drug Adjacency. “Besides, no one runs a cartel more efficiently than an ex-president. It’s all about leadership.”

The move comes as the US-backed candidate, Maximiliano Feldman, clings to a 515-vote lead while promising to build “the world’s greatest anti-cocaine wall, paid for entirely by irony.”

Reaction in Washington was mixed. Senator Chuck Rees (D-OH) commented, “I’m not sure if Trump thinks he’s fixing democracy or just rerouting the drugs.” Meanwhile, Hernández’s wife, Ana Garcia, told reporters, “Juan is thrilled to be free. He plans to focus on family, politics, and possibly franchising his superhighway.”

Trump defended his decision: “Look, people complain, but Honduras understands loyalty. Besides, if Hunter Biden had thought of this first, CNN would call him a genius.”