NEW YORK—In a shocking development that stunned absolutely everyone except those who have ever worked in an office, private payrolls across the United States decreased by 32,000 in November, according to an ADP employment report released Wednesday. The abrupt contraction reportedly occurred after payrolls collectively realized no one could definitively explain their reason for existing.

“We were all sitting around, and then someone asked, ‘What do you guys do again?'” said Janice Hemplethorpe, a recently eliminated payroll. “After a few minutes of awkward silence, we just sort of faded away.”

Economists polled by Reuters had optimistically predicted a net job gain of 10,000, basing their forecast on a centuries-old tradition of guessing and fervent hope. “Frankly, I spin a wheel with numbers, and whatever it lands on is my estimate for the month,” admitted lead economist Drake Mallard. “This time it was 10,000. I stand by my wheel.”

ADP spokesperson Tyler Smidge confirmed the disappearance, noting, “Not only were the jobs lost, but several office coffee machines and three entire HR departments also vanished in a puff of irony.” Smidge added that the missing jobs may have simply disguised themselves as consultants, meaning the actual count could be even higher—or lower—depending on the definition of ‘work.’

Citing the trend, experts warn that if the phenomenon continues, the American labor market could soon consist entirely of managers, recruiters, and a single guy named Larry who ‘knows computers.’