LOS GATOS, CA—In a move that industry analysts have declared “the moment cinema truly peaked,” Netflix has announced its $83 billion acquisition of Warner Bros. Discovery, along with plans to consolidate all Warner properties into a single, bewilderingly long streaming experience titled “Wizard Bat Thrones: The Fastest Friends of Central Gotham.”

“We looked at the numbers, and the only way to grow was to consume literally everything,” said Netflix Head of Content Algorithmization, Eliza Crunch. “Soon, every character you love will be living together in one vaguely European castle. Potter, Batman, Rachel from Friends—the whole gang.”

The deal, which reportedly outbid Amazon, Apple, and an anonymous GoFundMe campaign started by Zack Snyder, will allow Netflix to instantly triple its catalog and confuse viewers with an endless scroll of half-remembered franchises. CEO Ted Sarandos voiced his excitement: “Now, fans can finally experience the Game of Thrones dragons solving mysteries with Scooby-Doo while chasing wizards through Westworld. Our only remaining challenge is finding enough servers to host the inevitable six-hour episodes.”

Politicians have already raised concerns. Senator Melba Grawlick (D-OR) questioned the cultural impact: “What does it mean for society if producers can just staple Superman onto The Sopranos? Is this what the Founders intended?”

Meanwhile, HBO Max will be rebranded as HBO MaxxPlus, featuring 42 new reality shows and a single button labeled, ‘Just Start Something, Please.'”