NEW YORK — In a landmark case expected to forever alter the fate of words on the internet, The New York Times filed a lawsuit Friday against Perplexity AI, accusing the startup of appropriating the hallowed art of copying-and-pasting news while changing just enough words to look original.

“This is the Times’ proudest tradition,” said NYT legal counsel Harper G. Brinks, clutching a copy of the Sunday Styles section. “If we let AIs reproduce our journalism verbatim, soon no one will remember the thrill of paying $4.99 a month to ask our website what happened yesterday.”

The 94-page lawsuit details how Perplexity allegedly scraped and regurgitated Times articles, sometimes displaying entire pieces with only minor alterations—such as referring to staff columnist Thomas L. Friedman as “some guy named Tom.” The Times claims this has resulted in “immeasurable existential harm” and at least 17 missed opportunities to remind readers about their cooking section.

Perplexity CTO Skyler Byte remains unfazed. “We didn’t copy, we just let our system read their stuff and then say it right back. That’s called a book report, and my third-grade teacher loved it,” Byte explained.

A court injunction may soon force Perplexity to replace all NYT content with empty algorithmic platitudes about the weather, avocado toast, and democracy dying in darkness. Until then, worried Times subscriber Jasper Quinzel says he’s taking no chances: “I’m back to asking my Alexa what’s in the news. At least she only plagiarizes from the Washington Post.”

The Times is seeking damages, an apology, and exclusive rights to the phrase, “as reported by a person with a graduate degree.”