In a bold escalation of Hollywood’s ongoing ‘Who Can Outspend Whom’ tournament, Paramount Skydance has announced a hostile $108.4 billion acquisition bid for Warner Bros Discovery, plus the complete first season of ‘Star Trek: Strange New Worlds’ on Blu-ray and a single, gently-used Shrek DVD. This comes just days after Netflix tried to win Warner’s affections with a paltry $82.7 billion offer, securing only the studio and streaming operation, but pointedly refusing to take CNN or the Discovery Channel, ‘even if they came bundled with a year of free Max.’

‘Frankly, we were insulted when Netflix snubbed the cable assets,’ said Paramount CEO David Ellison, polishing a commemorative Oscar statue. ‘We’re not only buying the whole thing—we’re demanding a complete box set of every ’90 Day Fiancé’ spin-off ever aired.’

Paramount insiders claim the all-encompassing bid will merge Warner’s storied Warner Bros. Pictures division with Paramount+, creating a new streaming service, tentatively titled ‘ParamPlusMaxDiscovNow,’ which will feature nothing but reboots of Batman, CSI, and Guy Fieri’s Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives.

Reed Hastings, Netflix’s Executive Chair, scoffed at the hostile bid. ‘It’s cute,’ he said. ‘We were going to toss in a free password for HBO Max, but frankly, who wants to deal with CNN’s seven-hour Breaking News marathon?’ Warner Bros Discovery CEO David Zaslav welcomed the renewed interest, stating, ‘Honestly, we’re just excited someone wants to buy the Discovery Channel. Everyone here is getting tired of fake gold mining shows.’

Industry analysts now predict a third offer from Amazon, which sources say may include $120 billion, exclusive streaming rights to The Weather Channel, and free same-day delivery of the Batmobile.