• Entertainment

Singer D4vd’s Lawyers Withdraw, Citing ‘Scheduling Conflict With Coachella’ and ‘Intense Allergies to Losing’

Buck MulliganSeptember 1, 2026

Singer D4vd’s high-profile lawyers have dropped his murder case, forcing him to rely on a public defender with a less-than-stellar track record.

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• Entertainment

Celebrity Pastor Recalls Life-Altering 2024 Encounter With Hayden Panettiere, Vows to Now Only Meet People Destined to Die Suddenly

Buck MulliganAugust 31, 2026

Celebrity pastor Dylan Novak reflects on his 2024 meeting with Hayden Panettiere and announces plans to focus his ministry exclusively on celebrities who look like they might die suddenly.

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• Sport

NCAA Announces 2026-2027 Season Will Only Be Available to Watch on 17 Simultaneous Streaming Services and One Goat-Based AM Radio Station in Dublin

Buck MulliganAugust 30, 2026

The NCAA reveals that watching the 2026-2027 college football season will require fans to juggle multiple streaming subscriptions and tune in to an AM radio station operated by goats in Dublin.

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• Politics

Trump Administration Accidentally Blacklists ‘Anthropic’ After Mistaking It for Anthrax, Court Rules

Buck MulliganAugust 29, 2026

A judge ruled the Trump administration unlawfully blacklisted AI lab Anthropic, after confusing it with a biohazard and retaliating over its ethical AI policies.

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• Politics

Trump Explains Attacking Judge’s Family Was ‘Classic Legal Strategy’ Passed Down By Ancient Roman Gladiators

Buck MulliganAugust 28, 2026

Following his arraignment, Donald Trump defended attacking a judge and his family during a speech, claiming it was a traditional legal strategy endorsed by historical figures and now embraced by his supporters.

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• Technology

Greg Brockman Accidentally Becomes Sole Employee at OpenAI After Forgetting to Lock HR Portal

Buck MulliganAugust 28, 2026

Greg Brockman has inadvertently become the sole remaining executive, employee, and custodian at OpenAI after assuming all vacated roles in a dramatic consolidation of company power.

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• Technology

Meta Agrees to $18 Billion Settlement, Will Also Throw in 3 Free ‘Likes’ per Child as Apology

Buck MulliganAugust 27, 2026

Meta reached an $18 billion settlement with 29 states over allegations that it intentionally designed social media platforms to be addictive to children.

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• Economy

Americans Brace for ‘Dry Wiping Era’ as Canada Slaps Tariffs on Toilet Paper: Government Recommends ‘Old T-Shirts, Leaves, and Dignity Loss Mitigation Strategies’

Buck MulliganAugust 27, 2026

Amid a trade war with Canada, the US faces soaring toilet paper prices and government-issued advice on alternative wiping methods.

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• Politics

State Department Suspends Immigrant Visas Until Applicants Learn To Survive Solely On Thoughts And Prayers

Buck MulliganAugust 27, 2026

The U.S. State Department has suspended all immigrant visa applications nationwide, requiring future applicants to prove they can survive in the U.S. without assistance of any kind.

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• Politics

Newsom Vows to Sue Supreme Court ‘Every Monday’ Until Mail-In Voting Allowed, Institutes Weekly Litigation Calendar

Buck MulliganAugust 26, 2026

California Governor Gavin Newsom responds to the Supreme Court ruling by announcing plans to file weekly lawsuits until mail-in voting restrictions are overturned.

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