• Politics

Kennedy Center Denies Floor Made Entirely of Melted Down Trump Steaks Was Politically Motivated

Buck MulliganJuly 17, 2026

Kennedy Center officials deny allegations that $8 million in Trump-era renovations were politically motivated, defending the controversial flooring contract as purely aesthetic and functional.

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• Politics

GOP Senate Hopeful Proudly Endorsed By Man Who Married His Daughter, White Supremacy ‘Just A Bonus’

Buck MulliganJuly 17, 2026

Georgia Senate candidate Mike Collins faces scrutiny after it’s revealed his son-in-law is a white nationalist influencer, prompting Collins to clarify their close relationship is simply due to family ties.

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• Technology

Proton CTO Reminds Users: ‘No Company Will Go to Jail for You, But We’ll Consider House Arrest If You Upgrade to Premium’

Buck MulliganJuly 17, 2026

Proton's CTO reaffirmed the company's commitment to user privacy—with the minor caveat that no one at the company will actually go to jail to protect your data.

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• Politics

Todd Blanche Swears He Only Knows Trump ‘From TV and the Occasional Mar-a-Lago Hot Tub Summit’

Buck MulliganJuly 16, 2026

Attorney general nominee Todd Blanche tries to assure senators of his independence by insisting his relationship with Donald Trump is limited to casual encounters, despite mounting evidence to the contrary.

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• Entertainment

Disney Shocked To Learn Audiences Tire Of Watching Polynesian Princesses Turn Into CGI Rocks For Two Hours

Buck MulliganJuly 13, 2026

Disney’s $250 million live-action Moana remake opens to disappointing box office numbers, leaving executives baffled as audiences tire of endless CGI remakes.

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• Technology

Meta Shocked to Learn Users Don’t Want Complete Strangers Generating Deepfake Selfies of Them for Fun

Buck MulliganJuly 12, 2026

Meta has hastily shut down a controversial Instagram feature that allowed users to create AI deepfakes of any public account simply by tagging them, following widespread backlash over privacy concerns.

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• Economy

Elon Musk’s Family Foundation Expands ‘Bring Your Favorite Extremist to Russia’ Exchange Program

Buck MulliganJuly 12, 2026

Elon Musk’s family foundation reportedly brought far-right activist Tommy Robinson to Russia for a series of meetings with business figures, according to statements from Elon’s father, Errol Musk.

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• Entertainment

HBO Max Sweeps Emmy Nominations, Promises Next Year’s Hit Will Just Be 60 Hours of Static with Prestige Lighting

Buck MulliganJuly 9, 2026

HBO Max's 'The Pitt' dominated Emmy nominations, prompting the platform to further embrace prestige by announcing even more avant-garde, somber programming.

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• Politics

Trump’s $2 Billion Payday Inspires Surge of Politicians Launching Perfume, Cryptocurrency, and Ornamental Bust Lines

Buck MulliganJuly 6, 2026

Former President Donald Trump’s record $2 billion earnings as a sitting leader have spurred politicians across the West to launch their own product lines and monetize public office with unprecedented enthusiasm.

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• Economy

First Home Buyers Demand Houses Come With Free Therapy to Cope With Their Own Decision Making

Buck MulliganJuly 5, 2026

Australia's first home buyers are demanding houses come with free therapy to cope with the psychological burden of entering the property market, as market cooling fails to entice new entrants.

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