MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — After months of acrimonious internal debates, the tech industry has announced that the term ‘glasses’ will be replaced by ‘Artificially Intelligent Optic Faceware Experience Modules,’ ending generations of confusion about what to call things you put on your face to see better.

The decision comes after Apple, Meta, and Google executives reportedly spent four hours locked in a windowless room arguing whether calling their new spectacles ‘smart glasses’ was sufficiently visionary, or if ‘AI glasses’ better suggested the dystopian future they are pursuing.

“We believe ‘Artificially Intelligent Optic Faceware Experience Modules’ truly captures the essence of staring blankly into the algorithmic abyss while walking into traffic,” said Meta VP of Semantic Alignment Ray Felter, wearing his own Ray-Ban Meta spectacles, which immediately displayed a Wikipedia summary of his own quote in his peripheral vision.

Other tech leaders applauded the move. “Frankly, we’re tired of the term ‘glasses,’” said Google Project Aura Chief Nomenclature Officer Linda Quipp. “It fails to encapsulate the full experience of being silently surveilled and offered deep-fried chicken coupons while searching for the nearest restroom.”

According to leaked documents, Apple is already rumored to be working on the ‘iSee Pro Max Ultra Intelligence Visor,’ although sources inside Cupertino admit that executive Tim Cook has simply called them ‘those shiny things for your face’ for the past six months.

At press time, Samsung had announced a competing line of ‘Hyper-Smart Vision Overlords,’ noting in a statement, “Please, just pick a name so we can start selling ads through your retinas.”