MONGSTAD, NORWAY—In a bold display of environmental innovation, Norwegian oil company Equinor is facing a £53 million slap on the wrist after officials discovered the firm’s acclaimed strategy of bypassing expensive containment protocols and “just letting the oil oil where it wants to” at its Mongstad refinery.

“Frankly, we were stunned by their commitment to ecosystem integration,” said Økokrim spokesperson Sigrid Laksefjord, who described Equinor’s maintenance schedule as “every two Olympics or so.” “It’s rare to see such a long-term vision for hands-off pollution. Usually, companies try to hide these things, but Equinor just shrugged and said, ‘Ja, nature will sort it.’”

Equinor CEO Ola Slumpstad defended the company’s unconventional approach: “We did try to stop the leaks, but then the wrench fell into the fjord. After that, the only maintenance we managed was updating the coffee machine.”

Industry analyst Bjørn Gasflamme praised Equinor’s maverick leadership for redefining sustainability: “By spilling oil and leaking gas, Equinor is jumpstarting the transition from fossil fuels by making the reserves literally dissolve into thin air.”

As part of the penalty, Equinor will be forced to read several pamphlets about ‘Taking Responsibility’ and consider donating a kayak to local birdwatchers. At press time, Equinor had announced its forthcoming sustainability plan, which reportedly involves tying a mop to a seagull.