ATLANTA, GA — Frustrated by the wild west of Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) deals sweeping college football, former LSU head coach Ed Orgeron announced Monday his new plan to rescue the sport: “I want President Trump more involved in NIL regulation. If anyone knows about using your name and image to make money, it’s him.”

Orgeron, whose Tigers once achieved national glory and whose sideburns allegedly received their own sponsorship, called for an immediate executive action. “We need Trump to bring back order. Maybe every contract comes with a free Mar-a-Lago membership, maybe all linemen must tweet ‘Greatest Deal Ever!’ after every play. We gotta have rules.”

NCAA officials appeared cautiously optimistic, with Vice Chair Randall Pickens stating, “If Trump can negotiate a peace deal with North Korea using Big Macs, surely he can stop the Alabama booster club from offering freshmen Lamborghini test drives.”

Some athletes also expressed enthusiasm. “A meeting with President Trump would really boost my TikTok followers. If he throws in a gold-plated helmet, I’ll play for any school he wants,” said star running back Jalen “Juicebox” Riggins.

The proposal found bipartisan support among university administrators. “At this point, we’d let the MyPillow Guy run compliance if it meant we could keep track of which player is endorsing what,” sighed Carla Whetstone, Georgia Tech’s Athletic Director, clutching a stack of sponsorship requests from blockchain companies and local vape shops.

Sources indicate the White House is reviewing the request, as soon as they finish sorting through a box of expired Trump Steaks and twelve unopened letters from Kanye West.