LONDON—In what legal experts are calling ‘an ambitious expansion of copyright law and reality,’ the BBC vowed this week to fight a $10 billion lawsuit filed by former President Donald J. Trump, who alleges the network ‘recklessly neglected to use the flattering edits’ he personally submitted for their reporting on his January 6 remarks.

According to documents filed in Palm Beach County, Trump claims the BBC’s coverage caused ‘irreparable harm’ to his reputation and emotional well-being by failing to include Fonzie-style thumbs up, gold-plated chyron graphics, and a 14-minute monologue about his golf handicap. ‘They didn’t even add my applause track. Sad!’ Trump reportedly told supporters outside Mar-a-Lago, where he unveiled an artist’s rendering of what he calls ‘The Only Honest Editorial Timeline.’

‘BBC is deeply committed to journalistic integrity, which is why we only accept edits submitted by actual heads of state, not just former ones,’ BBC spokesperson Nigel Twaddle said in a statement embroidered on a Union Jack tea cozy. ‘Also, we do not accept payment in Trump Bucks.’

White House Press Secretary (Ret.) Lacey Dobbins commented, ‘Frankly, I’m surprised he stopped at $10 billion. NBC once risked $15 billion by using the wrong spray tan filter on his 2016 interview.’

Trump attorney Rudy Gulliver assured reporters, ‘If we win this case, we’ll finally have enough money to buy the BBC and rerun ‘The Apprentice’ on a loop. Justice will be served.’

Legal scholars warn that, if successful, the lawsuit could set a chilling precedent for international media: ‘Next, CNN could be forced to pay $50 billion for using the wrong font in closed captions,’ said Professor Ava Snark of the University of Central Florida School of Huey Lewis Law.