With holiday deadlines looming and the shame of Black Friday procrastination hanging heavy, desperate shoppers have inundated retailers to purchase Sony’s WH-1000XM5 headphones, now on sale with bonus earbuds—an offer experts are calling ‘just barely enough to suppress mounting regret.’

Best Buy spokesperson Linda Carraway assures last-minute gifters, ‘The noise cancellation is so advanced, it can drown out the sound of disappointed relatives AND the inner voice reminding you that you could have saved $10 more last week.’

The promotional deal includes a free pair of Sony WF-C700N earbuds, described by one Amazon reviewer as ‘the perfect consolation prize for missing out on Cyber Monday while doomscrolling.’ Meanwhile, the ad-supported 11th-gen Kindle is available for $89.99, or, as one Target employee described it, ‘the ideal gift for someone you forgot existed until now.’

Experts recommend pairing the new Echo Dot Max, on sale for $79.99, with Alexa Plus, Amazon’s AI that can now ‘offer excuses to your mother for why her package won’t arrive until January.’ Tech analyst Jimmy Narwhal explains, ‘With the Echo Dot Max, you’ll finally have an intelligent assistant who won’t judge you for waiting until December 22 to start shopping.’

Data suggests that, at this point, many shoppers are simply selecting whichever gadget is still available for two-day shipping and comes with the most accessories. ‘I don’t even know what an Eero mesh network is,’ confessed shopper Tara Wilkins. ‘But if it boosts my Wi-Fi and my self-esteem, I’ll take three.’