WASHINGTON, D.C.—Doubling down on his promise to keep ‘all options on the table,’ President Donald Trump announced Friday that military conflict with Venezuela is still a possibility unless President Nicolás Maduro agrees to ship all Venezuelan oil exclusively in barrells printed with ‘Make America Great Again’ in bold, tasteful gold lettering.

At a heated press conference held on the deck of an oil tanker in the Potomac River, Trump clarified his position: “I like oil, it’s tremendous oil, the best oil actually. But when you have Maduro putting it in regular barrels, not great barrels, you have to wonder what he’s hiding. We’re just saying, get on board with the branding—otherwise, who knows, maybe we’ve got boats, maybe we’ve got tanks, maybe we’ve got big, beautiful boats with tanks on them. We’ll see.”

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany confirmed Trump’s remarks, adding, “The President is committed to world peace, but only if the world recognizes American excellence in merchandising.”

Venezuelan Defense Minister Vladimir Padrino López responded by ordering the nation’s navy to escort all oil tankers, stating, “We will defend our right to distribute oil in minimalist, nonpolitical barrels, even if it means painting over every MAGA hat in the Caribbean.”

Meanwhile, National Security Adviser Larry Kudlow threw out an olive branch, suggesting that if Maduro would agree to include a complimentary Ivanka Trump perfume sample with every shipment, “We could probably call off the destroyers. It’s just good business.”

As tensions rise, the White House has reportedly consulted Guy Fieri to design a limited-edition ‘Flavortown Freedom Barrel’ as a compromise, pending Maduro’s approval.