SALFORD—In a stirring display of both continuity and complete organizational amnesia, the Rugby Football League has officially granted Championship status to the newly formed Salford Spectres, a replacement for the beloved but recently dissolved Salford Red Devils, following the time-honored British sporting tradition of “just starting over and pretending it’s fine.”

The new club, which was officially founded last Thursday over a hastily arranged meeting at the Dog & Whistle pub, will take up the former Red Devils’ fixtures, stadium, and, according to sources, at least 65% of its unpaid catering invoices. The Rugby Football League says this move is part of a groundbreaking plan to “keep rugby league clubs as fresh as their debts.”

“We’re excited to welcome the Salford Spectres—a club with all the history, debt, and broken dreams of the previous team, but now with a different logo and slightly more optimism,” said RFL spokesperson Nigel Henshaw, standing next to a ceremonial bin full of old merchandise. “It’s like reincarnation, but with more spreadsheets.”

New Spectres coach Barry ‘Reboot’ Robinson was equally optimistic. “We’ve managed to sign most of the same players, since none of them could remember who they played for anyway. The fans won’t notice a thing, except the new mascot, which is literally just a guy in a white bedsheet.”

Longtime supporter Doris Peabody, 87, expressed her unwavering loyalty: “It’s lovely they kept the same stadium toilets. Change is hard when your bladder’s involved.”

At press time, the RFL hinted plans to grant a 2027 Championship spot to the ‘Not-At-All-Related Salford Serpents’—in case this doesn’t work out.