NEW YORK — In a festive new twist for the nation’s most-watched holiday programming, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced that this year’s Christmas Day slate will feature a bold “Bring Your Own Quarterback” (BYOQB) initiative, after nearly every starting QB pulled a hamstring, ruptured a spleen, or simply called in sick with “general malaise.”

Instead of names like Jalen Hurts, Lamar Jackson, or Brock Purdy dazzling fans, viewers can expect to see a motley assortment of replacement QBs including stadium ushers, cousins who once played Madden, and whatever local high schoolers are home for winter break. “We view this as an exciting opportunity for fan engagement,” said NFL spokesperson Melissa Trucks. “Each team will now be required to select their quarterback by randomly drawing names from a Santa hat 45 minutes before kickoff.”

Some teams are embracing the uncertainty. “My neighbor Jerry once threw a Nerf ball into a trash can from 20 yards away,” said interim Vikings coach Bartleby Smalls. “He’s as good as anyone we’ve got left. Plus, we’ve always wanted to see if he could scramble.”

Players are reportedly excited for the shakeup. “Honestly, with all the injuries this year, I thought I might get a shot,” said Eagles left tackle Landon Dickerson. “I’ve been practicing my spiral. It’s not good, but it looks fun on TV.”

Not all are enthusiastic. “This is an outrage,” said lifelong NFL fan Herbert Peppersmith. “I paid $400 for tickets to see professionals, not some guy from Section 212 who’s three eggnogs deep.”

The NFL has assured fans that, in the spirit of Christmas, all quarterbacks will be allowed to wear festive ugly sweaters under their pads and call their own plays—provided they can read the playbook before the third quarter.