TEGUCIGALPA—Following the election of right-wing candidate Ramiro Castellón, widely celebrated as the man who once wore three cowboy hats at the same time, Honduras has officially been rebranded as ‘America’s Florida’ after ex-President Donald Trump offered his prestigious verbal endorsement, international observers confirmed Monday.

“I know a winner when I see one, and Ramiro has the best hair, maybe in all of Central America. That’s how you win elections, folks,” Trump declared at a hastily convened press conference inside a Mar-a-Lago banquet hall repurposed with palm tree wallpaper. “I have no idea where Honduras is, but believe me, it’s got tremendous beaches. We might even put a golf course there.”

Castellón celebrated his victory in classic Trumpian fashion, emerging onto a balcony flanked by two men in red ties and a mariachi band playing ‘God Bless America.’ “The endorsement from Señor Trump was the final blessing we needed. The people wanted strong walls, stronger tweets, and a return to traditional values—like unlimited pineapple on pizza,” crowed Castellón to an ecstatic crowd.

Political analyst Belinda Gómez, now forced to analyze geopolitics with a MAGA hat on, noted, “We expected foreign influence, but not in the form of late-night phone calls from a Palm Beach number asking for our birth certificates.”

The international community reacted with a mixture of confusion and fear, as the United Nations issued an emergency memo: ‘Please, Mr. Trump, stop picking countries.’