In light of mounting pressure to allow the Pride Match at the upcoming World Cup, FIFA has issued a statement assuring concerned parties that a decision will be made after consulting the preserved psychic remains of Octopus Paul, the mollusk famed for predicting soccer outcomes in 2010.

“FIFA takes all cultural considerations extremely seriously, especially those involving cephalopod consensus,” said FIFA Spokesman Lars Grunwald, while gesturing in front of an aquarium containing a suspiciously lifeless octopus labeled ‘Paul II.’ “We will simply not be rushed into respecting human rights without supernatural consultation.”

Despite repeated requests from the World Cup Pride Match Organizing Committee, FIFA reportedly maintains that it has not received any emails, phone calls, or telepathic messages regarding the event. In a strongly worded letter, the Egyptian FA complained that a Pride Match would ‘offend several thousand years of mostly ambiguous tradition.’

Pride Match coordinator Tiffany Verhoeven expressed her frustration: “We have messaged FIFA on WhatsApp, sent a singing telegram, even tried skywriting, but so far the only response has been a very small envelope containing a photo of Sepp Blatter shrugging.”

FIFA’s Cultural Liaison, Mahmoud El-Nil, added, “FIFA respects all cultures equally, which is why we will be holding a sit-in at the Sphinx until further notice, or until someone tells us what the word ‘Pride’ actually means in footballing terms.”

As the world waits for guidance—possibly from a mollusk in a tank or a camel in a fez—FIFA has reminded fans that rainbow armbands will be permitted, provided they match the host nation’s approved shade of beige.