KUALA LUMPUR—In a move hailed as a breakthrough for time management enthusiasts everywhere, former Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak was sentenced this week to an additional 15 years in prison for the 1MDB scandal, bringing his total time behind bars to a value-driven 21 years. Observers noted that the court now appears to be using sentencing guidelines based on the classic Malaysian prison rewards card, with a judge reminding Razak that for every six years served, another several can be added at a discounted rate.

“I was really hoping for the full ‘Serve 10, Get Out Free’ special, but I guess this is fair,” said Najib from his new suite in the Kajang Correctional Spa and Wellness Center, as he adjusted his monogrammed jumpsuit. “I’m just glad they’re recognizing my commitment to long-term incarceration.”

Prosecutors accused Najib of siphoning billions from the now-defunct state fund, but Najib maintains he was simply participating in an innovative government-sponsored savings plan. “They give you money, you save it somewhere in Switzerland, and then you retire,” he clarified. “It’s really just a misunderstanding of international banking.”

Malaysian Loyalty Program spokesperson Ahmad Bin Perks added, “This is a proud moment for us. Najib is the first participant to unlock our ‘Legendary Gilded Cell’ tier, which comes with complimentary laundry service and a 15-minute call with Rosmah every full moon.”

Rumors that Najib is lobbying to combine his sentences into a single, easy monthly payment are unconfirmed, but sources say the Finance Ministry is open to creative solutions.