WASHINGTON, D.C.—Seeking justice for what he called “an unforgivable act of artistic rebellion,” Kennedy Center President Richard Grenell has announced a $1 million lawsuit against jazz vibraphonist Chuck Redd, who canceled his legendary free Christmas Eve concert after the institution’s surprise renaming to “The Donald J. Trump and The John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts.”

“We made it clear that the Trump-Kennedy union symbolizes the ultimate bipartisan harmony—like jazz, if jazz were written by a committee of lobbyists and former reality show hosts,” Grenell stated while unveiling the new gold-plated bust of President Trump in the lobby, which now features a ‘Make Culture Great Again’ banner overhead.

Redd, who cited “artistic conscience and basic melodic integrity” as motivation for his abrupt departure, allegedly cost the Kennedy Center “untold Christmas cheer, at least $10,000 in unreturned seat cushions, and one executive’s personal stockpile of eggnog.”

“Imagine the trauma these empty seats suffered,” lamented Kennedy Center legal counsel Juliette Barron, polishing a commemorative MAGA saxophone. “You can’t just refuse to perform because you don’t want to play ‘Silent Night’ in front of a gold-leaf statue of Trump winking at you.”

The lawsuit, described as “a reasonable deterrent for future acts of jazz-based insubordination,” has already inspired the formation of the new ‘National Guard for Musical Compliance.’ “Next time, we’ll just pipe in Kid Rock covers until the musicians surrender,” promised Grenell. “Holiday spirit will be enforced.”